You’re Not Getting Any Younger
July 29, 2008 | Uncategorized
You’ve heard all the clichés. Life is short. You’re not getting any younger. Follow your dreams.
And now it appears more promoters are trying to add another. “Get off your butt and go live your fantasy.”
If you have a fantasy and the financing, you can bet there’s someone somewhere who is ready to help you live it. Yes, they tell you, you can be a rock star. Or an actor. Or fighter pilot. For a price, naturally.
If you’re a closet Elton John, Madonna or any other rock star and have an extra $13,000 you’re willing to part with, you may want to join the Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp this November 4 - 9 in London. You’ll have the opportunity to play daily with celebrity rock star “camp counselors” — featuring Bill Wyman (Rolling Stones), Nick Mason (Pink Floyd) and others — and record at the Abbey Road Studios made famous by the Beatles.
For the entire week you get to stay at the same hotel as your celebrity counselors and jam with them daily before recording a session (you’ll be provided a CD of your recording session, of course). Then you’ll be whisked off to The Cavern in Liverpool to follow in the footsteps of the Rolling Stones, the Beatles, the Who and many other great bands of past decades for a live performance — with you and your new best buddies on stage.
Since you’d be in Europe anyway, and if you have an additional $18,750 burning a hole in your pocket, you may want to fly off to Nizhny, Russia — the country’s third-largest town and several hours from Moscow — to take a spin in a MiG-31, Russia’s newest and most advanced high-altitude interceptor.
Upon your arrival in Moscow, you’ll be met and whisked off to the hotel Metropol, next to Red Square and the Kremlin, before joining the Moscow General Manager of Incredible Adventures, the American tour company that has arranged this particular incredible adventure for you, for dinner at a local restaurant. The following morning you’ll tour Moscow for a few hours before heading off to the MiG factory at Nizhny, about a 4-5 hour train ride from the capitol.
The next day, following a meeting with the base doctor — I think they want to ensure you’ll survive the experience — and a briefing by your pilot you’ll be suited up. Keep in mind that this is no ordinary adventure — once airborne you’ll be traveling at nearly four times the speed of the commercial jet that brought you to Moscow, and climbing to “near space” at 68,000 feet.
If this is a bit too much for you to handle, Incredible Adventures also provides a number of other adventures including dog-fights in fighter planes, shark diving and even “Covert Ops” fantasy fulfillment. If none of those terrify you enough you may want to speak with the company about its newest offering — the first skydive over Mt. Everest — scheduled this October for a mere $36,500, including roundtrip airfare to Kathmandu.
If you’re a basketball fan and are interested in something a bit more down-to-earth join Michael Jordan at his “Flight School” at The Mirage Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas this August 26-29.
Those over 35 years of age (the minimum age limit) — who can provide 1) medical waivers, 2) proof of insurance and 3) $17,500 — are welcomed to join His Airness and some of the top coaches in the NBL for some basketball drills and 5-on-5 games. Those who don’t want to get physically involved can register as Assistant coaches or, I would guess, just hang out at the craps tables.
Participants — who are responsible for their own travel arrangements to and from Las Vegas — are picked up by a limousine at the airport and provided a one-bedroom suite at The Mirage. Breakfast and lunch is served in a private dining area and a $100 credit is provided at all of the hotel’s restaurants each night of camp.
And finally, of course, what fantasy camp review would be complete without a stop in tinsel town? Yes, folks, if you’re an addict of Law & Order, CSI or even Columbo reruns on Nick at Nite, this is for you. Or, if you’re a “Sopranos” fan, it’s for youse.
According to the promotional materials of the producers, Hollywood TV Star Fantasy Camp, the camp includes “all meals with guests who are Hollywood insiders; your own trailer room, with a star on the door; a cast chair with your name on it; two to three scenes with integral parts in the script; and one to two scenes with a known industry actor.”
And also, of course, your “wardrobe selected with a professional stylist; hair and make-up for your scenes; improv acting exercises; call sheets with your name and character name; and three rehearsals of the script and your part.” By the way, since this is a crime drama you’ll also be advised by a law-enforcement technical advisor, which probably pays a good buck if you can get that gig.
This is Hollywood, after all, so you’ll also have a press interview “like the ones you see your favorite stars doing”; a photo shoot to put your pretty face (or, depending upon the part you’re playing, perhaps not-so-pretty) on your own personal industry magazine cover; a “wrap” party; an awards ceremony; and a DVD of your performance. Screening of your show with a Hollywood agent and a Hollywood Casting director is also guaranteed.
You can take this shot at stardom for the “introductory rate” of $12,733 — not including airfare and the taxi to “a top-rated hotel in the heart of Hollywood.” (On the other hand — and allow me to give you a bit of advice here – this is Hollywood and since you now have a new image to project, you may want to spring for a limo instead of the yellow cab.)
Although that may seem like a lot for an actor/actress-wannabe, don’t think of it as fantasy-fulfillment but rather as an investment. After all, it’s reported that Columbia Pictures is paying Tom Hanks between $29 million and $49 million for the current filming of Angels and Demons. Now if you could just score that part…
Jim Ferri
