What TSA Needs to Do With Its Security Teams

May 11, 2009 | Uncategorized

A cast on my leg has impaired my mobility for months now, which is not good for someone who has to travel a fair amount.

Thankfully the hard cast has now come off, replaced by a long Darth Vader-style boot with enough Velcro to hog-tie the neighbor’s dog or a small child.

It allows me to fly easier once again. But it’s also made me aware that while some folks at TSA need to get their act together, others are well ahead of the curve.

This past Monday when Darth and I arrived at Ft. Lauderdale Airport three TSA guys took one look at us and immediately reached for TSA Manual 101.96 — “Lessons Learned From the Spanish Inquisition.”

I didn’t need to take off Darth they told me — he’s removable but a hassle to remove and put back on — but about halfway through the 20-minute ordeal I wish I had. My inquisitor swabbed and computer-analyzed Darth and my hands twice, used his magic wand in places Tinkerbell would never use hers, and then ran his blue-gloved hands all over me until I felt like a date in the backseat of his Chevy.

“Who needs waterboarding when you can just send people through Ft. Lauderdale?”, I wondered.

The next day, flying out of Buffalo, NY, I was convinced to use a wheelchair since it was a far way to the gate. Prepared for the worse, this time I told TSA they could take the boot off and xray it. Immediately two TSA guys, one on each arm, told me not to do a thing and helped me out of the chair and through the entire security process. I began wondering if I was on the same planet as the day before.

On top of this the guy pushing the wheelchair hovered over me like my personal man-servant anticipating my every need and wish.

“Give me your bag, sir, I can pull it behind as I wheel you.” “We need to go through security, sir. Here, let me take your shoe off for you.” “If you’d like some food we can get hot food here or cold sandwiches further ahead.”

When I asked if there was a restroom I could stop at before getting to the gate, he wanted to wheel me in. I half-expected him to ask if he could go for me as well.

Today, leaving Kansas City I left Darth Vader on again to see what would happen. And again, as in Buffalo, smiling agents helped me through the security process in only a fraction of the time it took in Ft. Lauderdale a few days earlier, despite having the boot on.

I’ve learned two important things in the past five days.

The first is greater respect for those who are incapacitated. The second is that TSA needs to send its large-city security teams out to small-city airports to see what real American courtesy is all about.

Jim Ferri