The Jerk

September 28, 2010 | Uncategorized

Ever feel like an jerk? Let me give you a lesson.

I’m at San Antonio Airport right now — down at Gate 8 waiting for a Southwest flight after enduring the crowd at security. The line stretched for about 75+ yards. Standing there, I grumbled with the guy beside me about “how could the line be this long?” , etc.

But it moved unexpectedly fast until I got to the luggage conveyor. And there things slowed down again, likely because of how some jerked packed his/her bag. You watch and try to pick the fastest line but it always happens.

Anyway, there I stood grumpy and shoeless, waiting to put my computer through when the guy at xray stopped the belt and began to studiously study the screen. “Come on,” I mentally grumbled, “let’s get things moving.”

Then he called another TSA-er over and pointed at the screen. “Oh, for God’s sake,” I’m now thinking. “Just pull the guy out of line, tear his bag apart and test it with all those chemical swabs like they do on NCIS and Law & Order.”

Then things escalated — TSA #2 bent forward, stared and squinted as if she was having an eye examination. “Aw gee-e-e-e-e-z,” I grumbled . At this point I was about to offer my services doing the chem swab just to get things moving.

Then finally, FINALLY, they pulled the bag and headed back to the front of the machine where I was standing. Of course, you know what happens then — they ALWAYS slow things down even more by sticking the suspect’s bag at the head of the line.

As the guard approached I tried to get ahead of the game by unobtrusively pushing my computer forward to position it in the black hole with the rest of my stuff. As she neared I tried not to make eye contact in case she saw me bumping my computer into a better position on the conveyor belt cue.

But my ploy didn’t work, and she pushed my laptop back and put the jerk’s bag in before my tray.

Then I looked down and saw it was my bag that was causing all the commotion.

“Oh crap,” I mouthed half out-loud, “I’m him…”

I quickly moved through the body scanner, grabbed my computer and other stuff and headed for the concourse while trying not to make eye contact with those in line behind me.

Sorry folks.

Jim Ferri