Is This Any Way to Run an Airline? Yeah.

October 26, 2010

With Halloween just around the corner, the ground agents at Southwest Airlines at Islip-Macarthur Airport on Long Island have gotten right into the swing of things.

I flew to New York for a family wedding last week and opted for a Southwest flight into Islip since it was the closest to the get-together. As we deplaned into the jetway we were met by a festoon of orange and black crepe, silky webs and large plastic spiders hanging from the ceiling. It was an interesting wake-up call for anyone who was still a bit disoriented after a quick nap on the plane (take a 30-second tour up the jetway in the video below).

I had forgotten that this type of thing is de rigueur at Southwest and it caught me by surprise. But then I guess that’s the idea.

In the terminal there were other gates that were still decked-out from previous holidays (such as the one in the photo). Southwest, it seems, encourages such artistic shenanigans from its employees and even judges the best entries. And if you’ve ever flown the carrier around any holiday period you’ve probably surmised that some of its employees must have been real stand-outs in their second-grade art classes.

This year the crew at Islip won awards for their decorating skills for Valentine’s Day and the 4th of July.

But, to be fair, they do have an edge over the competition. Since Southwest actually owns the building at Islip, it is the only airline in the terminal so its employees can pretty much do whatever they want.

It makes you wonder if come New Year’s Eve they’ll have confetti and champagne at the gate.

“Hey, you pilots back there — get out of line.”

Jim Ferri

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Geez, Officer, I Didn’t Know I Was Going That Fast

October 5, 2010

Back in 2003 in northern Florida, I was driving along one of those long boring stretches of road you come across every now and then. If you do any long distance driving you know and dread the type — long and flat, heavily forested on both sides, a wide grassy median isolating you from other traffic, not a soul in sight except for an occasional fellow driver.

The road just seems to go on and on and on, and you become almost hypnotized by the passing trees and road markers. You can’t help but think “when is this going to end?” and try to combat the boredom by putting a bit more pressure on the accelerator.

Rather than whine about my boredom, I’ll cut to the chase. The cop who passed me going in the other direction said he clocked me at 94 mph. He was a nice about it though, and only put me down for 73 so I wouldn’t get points on my license. I think the dog hanging out the back window trying to lick his face helped my case.

I got to thinking about this while I was reading about a Swedish driver in Switzerland who is said to have received the world’s most expensive speeding ticket.

Driving along highway A12 near Bern in his new $140,000 Mercedes, he was going so fast that an old radar unit couldn’t clock him. Up the road a newer one did though, and nailed him at 180 mph in a 70 mph zone.

His excuse to the Polizei was he thought the speedometer on his new car was faulty. Oh, come on, even I came up with something better than that. Go get yourself a dog.

Unfortunately for him, Swiss judges calculate speeding fines not only on how fast you were driving, but also on how wealthy you are. This is a country of bankers, after all.

And his fine was — buckle your seat belt for this — just over US$1 million.

Obviously, someone’s given new meaning to driving while loaded.

Jim Ferri

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The Jerk

September 28, 2010

Ever feel like an jerk? Let me give you a lesson.

I’m at San Antonio Airport right now — down at Gate 8 waiting for a Southwest flight after enduring the crowd at security. The line stretched for about 75+ yards. Standing there, I grumbled with the guy beside me about “how could the line be this long?” , etc.

But it moved unexpectedly fast until I got to the luggage conveyor. And there things slowed down again, likely because of how some jerked packed his/her bag. You watch and try to pick the fastest line but it always happens.

Anyway, there I stood grumpy and shoeless, waiting to put my computer through when the guy at xray stopped the belt and began to studiously study the screen. “Come on,” I mentally grumbled, “let’s get things moving.”

Then he called another TSA-er over and pointed at the screen. “Oh, for God’s sake,” I’m now thinking. “Just pull the guy out of line, tear his bag apart and test it with all those chemical swabs like they do on NCIS and Law & Order.”

Then things escalated — TSA #2 bent forward, stared and squinted as if she was having an eye examination. “Aw gee-e-e-e-e-z,” I grumbled . At this point I was about to offer my services doing the chem swab just to get things moving.

Then finally, FINALLY, they pulled the bag and headed back to the front of the machine where I was standing. Of course, you know what happens then — they ALWAYS slow things down even more by sticking the suspect’s bag at the head of the line.

As the guard approached I tried to get ahead of the game by unobtrusively pushing my computer forward to position it in the black hole with the rest of my stuff. As she neared I tried not to make eye contact in case she saw me bumping my computer into a better position on the conveyor belt cue.

But my ploy didn’t work, and she pushed my laptop back and put the jerk’s bag in before my tray.

Then I looked down and saw it was my bag that was causing all the commotion.

“Oh crap,” I mouthed half out-loud, “I’m him…”

I quickly moved through the body scanner, grabbed my computer and other stuff and headed for the concourse while trying not to make eye contact with those in line behind me.

Sorry folks.

Jim Ferri

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