Okay, Next Time We’ll Go Glamping Instead

July 14, 2008 | Uncategorized

I’ll be the first to admit that it really wasn’t her best introduction to the great outdoors.

The extent of my wife’s “camping” experience had been her traipses through Central Park when she was younger. For some time I had been pushing for us to go camping, as I had done years earlier all over the U.S., Canada and Europe. “It’s going to be fantastic,” I told Marjorie, weekly driving her level of expectations up a notch.

Then the opportunity came. Kim, Steve, Megan and Ryan — our daughter, son-in-law and their kids — thought it would be great for us all to get together and head out for the great outdoors. With my memories intact and Marjorie’s expectations rising daily, we jumped at the opportunity.

We found a campground, Florida’s Jonathan Dickinson State Park, roughly half-way between our homes at different ends of the state. Better yet were all the descriptions we found both online and off…”superbly beautiful”…”awesome”…gigantic shade trees and lush foliage nestle along the coast, they all said. Everything we read screamed at us to come and enjoy this Eden-istic experience. Kim’s, Steve’s and my expectations were soon sky-high. Marjorie’s were propelled through the stratosphere.

Soon Marjorie and I began spending weekends shopping for new camping supplies for future forays into the great outdoors. Every swipe of a credit card at a camping store became a shot of great-outdoors testosterone.  Boy, were we ever prepared for the mother of all camping trips.

Unfortunately, none of us remembered Wilma, or more precisely, the reality of Hurricane Wilma, which punched Jonathan Dickinson square on the nose just a year earlier.  Our tropical Eden had turned into a desert, complete with heat, bugs, snakes and whatever other miseries had survived. Still though, Kim and I decided we would push everyone to stick this out. Family bonding, you know.

In the ensuing three days we survived…despite the heat (with the help of large fans bought at a nearby Walmart), enticements (Steve’s offer to pay for everyone to stay at The Breakers, the luxury hotel in nearby Palm Beach), and Marjorie planning my murder for pulling her into the whole ordeal.

They say time heals all wounds but I don’t think I’m going to get everyone everyone into a tent very easily anymore. Unless, of course, we go “glamping.”

Glamping — or glamorous camping — is a niche market that has sprung up all over the world. Savvy marketers are now catering to those who want to sleep under the stars in five-star surroundings. In other words, those who like the concept of camping but not the reality.

Back pack? Sleeping bag? Coleman stove? Forget it. These are the places where you arrive with your Louis Vuitton luggage, sleep in regular beds and are catered to by chefs preparing gourmet meals. Not exactly the stuff you read about in your run-of-the-mill outdoor magazine.

If you’re looking for adventure in the Rockies, The Resort at Paws Up, Montana may fit your bill. There, in Lewis and Clark country along the Blackfoot River, you can go fly fishing and horseback riding, unwinding at night between 300-count sheets, in a tent with art on the walls, electricity throughout, and your own master bathroom with heated floors over at the bath house. This all also comes with a butler who caters to your tent-side needs, of course.

Further north, a 60-minute floatplane ride from Vancouver, Canada, is the eco-resort of Clayoquot Wilderness Resorts & Spa. It is an enclave of deluxe guest tents with queen or single beds with down duvets, heirloom china and silver accessories, rugs, oil lamps and remote-controlled propane wood-stoves. And just so you don’t feel too out-of-touch you’ll also enjoy electric light, hairdryers and wireless internet.

There’s quite a lot to do here during the day — whale and bear watching, fishing (salt and fresh water), kayaking, canoeing, horseback riding, mountain biking, skeet shooting and naturalist hikes. In the evening the executive chef prepares gourmet meals utilizing  local fresh ingredients such as wild salmon and halibut, local cheeses, giant oysters and scallops, free-range hens, wild herbs and mushrooms unique to this Pacific northwest rainforest, all gotten from regional growers and producers.

If these don’t fit your dreams of adventure, further south in Arizona Global Expeditions designs luxury custom camping experiences for affluent clientele in numerous places about the western USA. For anywhere from $2,500 to $4,500, or so, they can make your dreams come true as you mosey about the wilderness.

Book Global and you can rough it with your own personal chef who will prepare gourmet entrees for you (think smoked wild salmon, grilled cervena elk in wild mushroom demi-glace, grilled rocky mountain lamb with mango chutney), all served on fine china and accompanied by fine wines and Champagne. And before you roll into your luxury Queen Bed you’ll probably want to request some live musical entertainment by your campfire. It’s quite an exhausting experience.

There are many other luxury “camps” scattered about the world, as well. The Banyan Tree Maldives Madivaru, in The Maldives in the Indian Ocean, is a cluster of six unique villas accessible only by seaplane. Its 18 guests — the maximum permitted on the small coral island at any one time — live in luxury desert-island style in white tents with timber floors, teak desks, leather folding chairs and a private pool.

Along the shores of Lake Tanganyika in Tanzania — where Henry Stanley asked “Dr. Livingstone, I presume?” and Jane Goodall conducted her primate studies years later — you can stay at Greystoke Mahale. Every morning in this conclave of six thatched huts, each with en-suite bathrooms, hot and cold running water, flush toilets and showers, you’ll be awakened by the calls of the wild chimpanzees, before heading out on guided treks through the jungle or fishing or kayaking on the second-deepest lake in the world.

Out in Australia’s outback, Voyages Longitude 131, a luxury campsite in the Uluru-Kata Tjuta National Park, provides 15 elevated tents with unrivaled views of Ayers Rock.  Roughing it here means air-conditioning, mini bar, telephone, private bath and showers, evening turn-down service and a Bose Sound System with a CD player and iPod connectivity. And if you don’t want to get out of your bed in the morning just raise the electric blinds to watch the sunrise over Ayers Rock.

It certainly beats trying to get out of a small tent with a floor fan duct-taped to the entry flap.

Jim Ferri