London’s Putpockets Unfair to Americans

August 23, 2009 | Uncategorized

Okay, VisitBritain listen up — enough of this blatant discrimination!

For years we Americans have been doing our best to make London a top tourist destination. And now what do you do — you close your eyes and remain completely mum when a British company discriminates against America tourists.

For those of you who are unaware of the indignities being heaped on American travelers in London these days, let me give you a little background.

For many years travelers have been aware of the danger of pickpockets when they travel. The most popular places to have your wallet lifted, of course, have always been the big tourist cities like New York, Rome, Paris and London.

In London millions of us have waltzed through Trafalgar Square, Covent Gardens and a hundred other tourist spots, feeding pigeons and working hard to make the Queen’s Guards smirk, all the while constantly putting our wallets and egos at risk. Those unaware of the risks we’ve endured obviously need to spend some quality time down at American Express.

But here’s the rub. In London these days there’s a group of pickpockets who aren’t taking money out of people’s pockets but putting it back in. Yes, you read right — some pickpockets are putting moolah back in people’s pockets and pocketbooks. This is totally unrelated to Britain’s economic bailout plan.

This crafty little promotion is being underwritten by Talk Talk, a UK broadband provider. The company has hired 20 former pickpockets to slip anything from £5 – 20 notes into the pockets and handbags of unsuspecting marks. And £20 is not exactly chump change. In fact, it’s nearly enough to buy a burger at Heathrow.

“It feels good to give something back for a change — and Britons certainly need it in the current economic climate,” Chris Fitch, a former pickpocket who now heads TalkTalk’s “putpocketing” initiative, told a Reuters reporter. “Every time I put money back in someone’s pocket, I feel less guilty about the fact I spent many years taking it out.”

A-ha VisitBritain! Talk about blatant discrimination — “Britons certainly need it…”? All these years American tourists have been providing for the well-being of London’s pickpockets and now, when it’s time to return the favor, they’re only padding British pockets?

Hey, what about us over here? You know, us — your old subjects, your Allies, the ones who gave you teabags. Any American traveler worth his or her fanny pack will tell you it’s only proper this wealth be shared a bit.

And Talk Talk…I’ll be back in London in October and will be strolling through Covent Gardens wearing jeans and a blue sweater…

Jim Ferri