Are the Brits Going Bonkers?

September 2, 2010

Has someone put something into the beer in Britain?

I’m beginning to wonder because of two news articles I read recently.

The first, in the UK newspaper the Telegraph, revealed that the staff of the British hotel chain Travelodge had reunited more than 75,000 teddy bears with their owners over the past year.
75,000? It seemed odd that so many kids would lose their teddies when on holiday with Mum and Dad.

But guess what — the chain found it wasn’t kids who were losing their teddies, it was adults.

After taking calls from a large number of “frantic businessmen and women” phoning about forgotten teddies, the chain surveyed 6,000 Britons about the matter and found that more than half of Brits still have their teddy bear from childhood. It seems that British adults feel sleeping with a teddy is a “comforting and calming” way to end the day.

But what really caught my eye was that 25% of British businessmen said they took their teddy away with them on business trips because it reminded them of home. If that ever catches on in the USA it could put the blow-up doll people out of business.

Next I saw the newscasts and read the reports about British Airways apologizing to 275 exceptionally terrified passengers on a London to Hong Kong flight after an automated emergency warning mistakenly told them they were about to crash into the sea.

An automated warning? You’re going to die and they can’t even tell you in person? Oh, maybe it’s an added fee for that service.

A spokesman for British Airways said an investigation was under way to discover whether it was human error or a computer glitch, adding “our cabin crew immediately made an announcement following the message advising customers that it was an error and that the flight would continue as normal.”

But not before 63 businessmen had dived into their carry-ons looking for teddy.

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What Wine, Condoms and Gold Have in Common

August 18, 2010

Remember when vending machines only dispersed candy, cigarettes, newspapers and soda? I know, that sounds so-o-o-o 20th Century.

But today’s traveler knows he/she can get all sorts of things from vending machines. Just look at how companies like Best Buy and Sony have begun transforming purchasing habits at many airports.

This all came to mind the other day after I read an article about wine vending machines being tested in two stores in Pennsylvania.

To buy a bottle you insert your driver’s license into a kiosk. It then reads your age from the license bar code on the license and matches your photo to a video it takes of you. Apparently your screen test is viewed remotely by some magic corkscrew over at the Liquor Control Board who also ensures you use the built-in Breathalyzer to detect whether you already have half a load on.

Despite PA winos now being given a step-up, those who travel a lot know that other countries are far ahead of us in the vending business.

In Europe, for example, public toilets have long displayed condom and personal-hygiene product dispensers on their walls, all certainly placed there decades ago by sex-crazed Frenchmen.

Not wanting to be outdone, however, the Japanese started vending designer condoms. One of these vending machines dispenses a product called “United Colors of Benetton,” which is marketed to the Japanese as an effort to comfort lonely Italian businessmen.

With an estimated one vending machine for every 20 people in the country, the Japanese vend just about everything you can think of — eggs, umbrellas, porn, fishing bait, toilet paper, you name it.

Despite Japanese entrepreneurs forging the mother lode of vending machines, it’s a German businessman named Thomas Geissler who produced the mother of all machines — one that dispenses gold.

Geissler started test-marketing his gold-dispensing kiosks in Germany last year but they only became well known when he installed one in the Emirates Palace Hotel in Abu Dhabi a few months ago.

There an upscale hotelier — looking for a bit more Gulf glitz, of course — was able to rise above his competitors with the cash-for-gold attraction in the lobby.

Jim Ferri

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A Lesson in Civility

August 5, 2010

What makes some people feel entitled to do whatever they want and think “screw everyone else”? We’ve all met them.

Maybe it’s the guy waiting for his wife outside the supermarket, not in a parking space but plopped in his Pontiac blocking one lane of a busy thoroughfare. Or the woman inside - probably his wife - busy shoving a half-full cart into the ten-items-or-less line. We all casually look at the wall with the gum, candy, magazines and those little screwdriver sets to fix your glasses as we mentally count the items she drops on the belt…13, 14, 15, 16….

I’m 35,000 feet over the Atlantic right now and I can’t help but think of one of these entitled-zillas I encountered at the airport about an hour ago.

After having our IDs checked at two TSA desks, everyone formed one line to move ahead to the baggage scan. Everyone except Ms. Entitled-zilla, of course.

Ms. E left the ID check and stepped right into the middle of the line next to me.

“Excuse me,” I politely said, “but there’s a line,” gesturing to the end of it.

“I know,” she said, returning her gaze back to the Xray behemoths ahead.

Undeterred, I replied “the beginning of it’s back there,” again pointing to the group of people to my rear. “Thank you,” she replied dismissively, flashing me a sneer while she planted herself even more firmly than a moment earlier.

I took a step in front of her and moved to the right so my wife could stand next to me. No further words were exchanged, although I could feel a half-dozen virtual daggers impaling themselves on my back for the next several minutes.

As the line finally started moving, I stepped forward pulling my wheeled carryon. I felt a little bump and immediately heard Ms. E growl out “You just ran over my toe!”

I hadn’t intended to run over her toe, of course, but thinking that God must provide these little gifts for a reason, I turned and said “Geez, how did that happen? I guess it wouldn’t have happened if you were in the back of the line.”

At first she looked shocked, then angry. I walked off with a grin knowing I had struck a blow for civility.

And also, perhaps, showed someone the dangers of wearing open-toed sandals in a crowded airport.

Jim Ferri

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